I see her lean over to her teenage daughter and share herdiscovery. Her daughter is less than subtle in giving me the once-over.She stares so intently, I feel her penetrating vision seeing rightthrough my top and jeans to my black racerback bralette and matching lacepanties.I turn away, but I can hear them talking in hushed tones behind me. Ipray for the line to move. I am sure that the teenager will not be ableto contain her enthusiasm at probably seeing her first transgenderedperson. I am in luck, as the line diminishes in front of me I am next.Just that quick, I am motioned to an open register. I set my purchase onthe counter. The clerk behind the counter, gives me a warm smile whichseems familiar. She asks me the standard "did you find what I was lookingfor today?" canned line. When I say I have, she gives me a quizzical looksaying, "are you sure?" Before I can retort, she leans in and says in ahushed tone "I would think something a bit sexier would be moreappropriate, preferably. She was a doctor like me. But she was a Freudian.And that was a cardinal sin. A non survivable difference for ourrelationship. Whilst most lay people have heard of him, and manypsychiatrists follow him and espouse his beliefs, in my honest opinionhe was a quack.Worse still a misogynistic patriarchal quack.Now I was no saint when it came to my opinion and treatment of women;and how much bearing that had on my predicament I could not be sure; butFreud was positively primeval.Sure, it was well over 100 years ago now, and maybe contemporary for thetime, but his views on human psychosexual development are worthy onlyfor historical anecdote.Penis envy! Castration anxiety! For fuck sake, I mean really?Still I guess I was now in prime position to validate or debunk histheory.Whilst I had not been ?castrated by God? which Freud believed all womenfelt for a time in their childhood, I had been ?castrated? by something.Did I feel penis envy?It was all so acute but I couldn?t get past the fact.
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